


But

by o0Anapher0o



Series: Personalities [2]
Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:20:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23680714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/o0Anapher0o/pseuds/o0Anapher0o
Summary: After the revealing of his enhancements Julian did what anyone would do and got properly hammered with Miles. And he might just have woken up Garak and kissed him.Now he has to deal with the morning after.Sequel to Personality
Relationships: Julian Bashir/Elim Garak
Series: Personalities [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1705204
Comments: 6
Kudos: 100





	But

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to boomslang and Obsidian_Operative who asked for a sequel.  
> Here it is :-)

Julian woke with the distinct feeling that that last drink last night had been a terrible idea. Or maybe the last three. He winced as he dragged himself out of bed and to the replicator. He started with a huge glass of cold water before moving on to replicating a cup of raktajino. Not his usual favourite, but Tarkalean tea wouldn’t quite cut it today. He didn’t regret it though. After everything that had happened the last few days, or rather the last month if he was being honest, he had deserved to go on a bit of a bender. So when darts with Miles (now with added distance to the board to level the playing field) had turned into drinks with Miles, he had indulged maybe a bit more than might have been wise.

He groaned. He would have to apologize to Garak for barging in on him in the middle of the night, whining and … oh no. He hadn’t.

Unfortunately his enhanced and utterly unimpaired memory informed him that yes, he had indeed kissed Garak last night and would have done a whole lot more than kissing, if the Cardassian hadn’t, well not exactly kicked him out, but firmly told him to come back when he was sober.

Julian winced, for a moment contemplating if he had just drunkenly done some serious damage to their friendship.

Well, Garak had told him to come back. In fact he had explicitly invited him to come back and prove that he had meant it. Which he had. Of course he had. Julian couldn’t suppress a little smile at the memory. And Garak _had_ kissed him back.

But.

There had always been good reasons for why he hadn’t kissed Garak before. A lack of attraction or even affection wasn’t one of them. In fact the urge to kiss Garak had been a constant fixture in his life for longer than he cared to remember. He had never acted on it before, well, because it was likely a terrible idea. 

Only last night he had been drunk and Garak had been so adorably insecure about his affections that he had, just to take that look of doubt off his friend’s face.

No, there was no denying that he liked Garak. More then liked, if he was being honest with himself as he apparently was this morning. The man was his friend and together with the attraction that had always been there between them, that friendship had over the years deepened into something… well, more? Else?

He groaned at how clichéd of his thoughts were. Which didn’t change the fact that he undeniably had feelings for Garak and they were the kind of feelings that made him want to kiss the man.

But that didn’t mean that acting on it was a good idea.

Things had changed, that much was true. So far one of the main reasons had been himself. Keeping a secret as big as his in an intimate relationship was difficult enough, but keeping it from someone who had spent his entire life prying secrets from other people? The risk had been too high, especially since he was reasonably sure that Garak wouldn’t have hesitated to use it if he had seen any chance to serve Cardassia by doing so. Cardassia or Tain.

That, of course, had been another major issue. Ever since Julian had first met the not-so-former head of the Obsidian Order he had realised that Garak’s loyalties were probably not as straight forward as he himself believed. Julian was still not entirely sure to what degree Garak had equated Tain with Cardassia. To call the relationship between the two men complicated was an understatement. What he had learned in the Dominion internment camp had shed some light on that, but he had a feeling he might never fully understand the convoluted web of lies, co-dependency, love-hate and self-loathing the two men had spun around themselves and each other over the course of a lifetime.

Yet, both of those reasons no longer mattered. Tain was dead and Julian’s secret was out.

But.

Luckily today wasn’t one of their regular lunch dates, so he would have some more time to think it all over. Chances were Garak had only said what he had said out of politeness and to get Julian out of his quarters. Or he had meant every word and would feel all his fears confirmed if Julian rejected him now. _If_ Julian rejected him.

Either way it was his move. He knew Garak well enough to know the Cardassian would just as easily pretend nothing had ever happened if Julian didn’t bring the matter up again. For a moment it sounded like an acceptable solution.

But.

The news of Julian’s genetic status had gotten around in the last days. He had never been so glad that the majority of the station inhabitants were none-federationers. Neither the Bajorans nor most of traders coming through the station cared much about it. They were more concerned with the new Cardassian-Dominion alliance. Some of the Starfleet personnel had reacted badly, but most of them had known him for years at this point, which seemed to help. It meant that work in the infirmary was fairly undisturbed. There would be long term issues with his research work, he had no illusions about that; there would be no further Carrington nominations. But he could hope that his work would speak for itself enough to get people to read in despite of who the author was.

Garak had taken the news well, which hadn’t surprised Julian. Garak was many things but a hypocrite wasn’t one of them. If he had been a little miffed it was mostly at himself for not working it out by himself. Julian couldn’t help smiling a little smugly at the thought. He might never win any medical awards ever again, but he had successfully pulled the wool over the eyes of one of the best agents the Obsidian Order had ever produced for years. Somehow that was just about as satisfying.

Clearly there wasn’t any hope of getting Garak out of his head today. He sighed. Might as well get through the list then, after all it wasn’t as if he hadn’t been through it before:

First: morals. He truly had forgiven Garak for his past and several occurrences not so much in his past. Forgiven, yes, but not forgotten and he had no delusions that Garak would continue to make decisions he would have to forgive him for. Julian knew that Garak regretted some of the things he had done in the past, but he was also aware, that there were others he would do again without hesitation. He truly believed the ends justified the means as long as the end was Cardassia.

Leading to second: politics. For Garak Cardassia would always come first. Even though right now Garak was even more of an outcast than ever before. He was a personal enemy of the current leader of Cardassia, there was no way he could become more of an enemy of the state. But hopefully they would win the impending war and then what?

And last but not least: Starfleet. They had given Julian a chance; he was no longer hiding and wonders beyond wonders still an officer and a doctor. But that didn’t mean they couldn’t change their minds if he was anything less than the very model of an officer. Hooking up with a former spy for a power that was at this point very definitely the enemy, probably didn’t qualify for that.

Julian halted in his thoughts. The list had grown significantly shorter since the last time he had used it to convince himself that starting anything beyond their friendship with Garak was a bad idea. And if he thought about it, many of those arguments were a lot less valid, than they had been before. Garaks morals were questionable, but Julian’s own had been severely compromised in the last few years: He might not have attempted genocide or cold-bloodedly murdered and tortured, but he had been willing to sacrifice his and Miles lives in order to liberate the Jem’Hadar from their white addiction. He had shot Garak and shoved him into the wall space at the internment camp knowing of his claustrophobia. In all cases he had done it with the best intentions, for the greater good, because it had been necessary, but couldn’t Garak say the same about anything he had done?

As for what when the war ended, who knew. If they won it, Cardassia would likely have lost it. Somehow he doubted that the Founders would agree to a peace treaty. No, this fight would be one to the death. A victory would be complete, no matter which side won. If the Federation was victorious, Cardassia would likely not be a threat anymore. If they lost they wouldn’t live to tell the tale. Either way the political landscape of the Alpha Quadrant would be irrevocably changed, rendering previous loyalties void.

Which left Starfleet. Again the war might be a factor. Right now they couldn’t afford to loose a good doctor and afterwards, who knew.

He certainly wasn’t doing a very good job of talking himself out of it.

There was of course still the option that Garak didn’t want anything more from Julian. Possible, but after the way they had kissed last night unlikely. Julian was fairly sure Garak didn’t have any real romantic interest in Ziyal and it was much more likely that Garak, like him, had considered the circumstances and deemed a relationship not worth the risk. But things had changed. And Garak _had_ kissed him back.

It was significantly earlier than last night when someone rang at the door to Garak’s quarters this evening, just past 1900. He had spent the day in a slightly more fretful state than he would have liked. He had blamed it on the lack of sleep unwilling to think about why he hadn’t slept much.

The sight of the Doctor at the door filled him with a nauseating mix of trepidation and anticipation. He wasn’t sure what he expected. A part of him had simply hoped that Bashir had been to inebriated to remember the whole episode at all. Another, one that perked up now he had very studiously not allowed to hope.

Whatever he had been expecting, it hadn’t been for the younger man to pull out a tricorder and scanned himself in front of him.

“I’m not drunk.” he stated, handing the tricorder to Garak and indicating the relevant reading. “And I did mean it.” he added defiantly.

Garak peeked sceptically at the instrument in his hand. “You could have manipulated the tricorder.” he pointed out.

Julian rolled his eyes. “Not drunk, I couldn’t.”

“You’re heart rate is elevated.” Garak observed.

“Of course it is. I knew I would have to deal with this.” Julian waved a hand at him with a pout.

“I thought you came here to convince me that you wanted to deal with this.” Garak replied primly, waving his hand in a similar manner about himself.

Julian grinned “Actually, I came to convince you to have dinner with me.” he said.

“Dinner, Doctor?” Garak raised an eye ridge.

“Yes. I do owe you an apology after all. My behaviour last night was really atrocious.”

The careful look returned to Garak’s face. “You don’t say.”

“Yes, dragging someone out of bed like that is really no way to treat anybody.” the Doctor replied gleefully.

“Am I to take that you want to apologise for kissing me, too?” Garak inquired, doing his best to sound neutral.

Bashir tilted his head. “No, I don’t think so.” he said thoughtfully. “In fact, it’s a misdemeanour I would happily repeat. Ideally with your advanced consent this time.”

Garak didn’t quite manage to suppress a grin. “Well then my dear Doctor, let’s find out what I’ll consent to after a good dinner and a proper apology.”


End file.
